I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
