mondays should just be called national damage control day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
