and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
