Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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