I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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