seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
