he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
