I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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