how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
