It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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