Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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