you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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