Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
