Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
