Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
