I skipped work to stalk him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
