I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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