Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
