Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
