Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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