I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors