it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.