His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?