I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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