i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.