bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
