Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
