sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We talked him into tasing himself.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
