I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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