Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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