to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
