Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
