Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
