During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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