So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize