im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
