Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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