So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
