Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
