why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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