drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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