She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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