Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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