girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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