You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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