Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
