$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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