some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
