So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
