I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
