She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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