The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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