rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
