I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
