Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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