I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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