What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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