I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
