omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
