I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
