no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
