god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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