Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
