it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
