you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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