wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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