I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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