I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
