Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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