they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
