i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just high enough for therapy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
