So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
