I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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