She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
