i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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