NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
