Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
